Lost Parody: Ji Yeon 4x07
by explodingplant
Summary: A parody of the episode 4x07 of Lost. If you've seen the episode, maybe you'll appreciate a little spoofing.


A/n: This is my very first parody. The first ones are always the hardest, but I hope to be a great parody person one day. This is about the episode Ji Yeon of Lost Season 4 (7th episode). OBVIOUSLY, don't read it if you haven't seen Ji Yeon, not only b/c of spoilers but you won't understand it either. Also, spoilers for all Lost up until 4x07 might be inherent. Please be kind. Constructive criticism is needed (but pleasing compliments are cherished).

**Freighter**

TATTOO GUY: You ready Frank?

FRANK: I gotta deliver these canned soy anchovies.

TATTOO GUY: Whatever, Lapidus.

FRANK: Can you repeat my names a couple more times? I'm a new guy.

-

REGINA: Frank! Frank Lapidus! I didn't see you occupying the only space around me that isn't blank wall.

FRANK: Nor did you see your book. Something _strange_ must be happening.

SAYID: Why have you locked me and Desmond up?

FRANK: Because there's much call for a slashy, shaggy romance. So until you two cooperate-- canned food and ominous but vague lines it shall be!

FANGIRLS: Now that's a slash relationship with too much shaggy hair and beard too handle.

**Island**

JIN: Let's name our baby Kwon Ji Yeon.

SUN: Let's name it Kwon Definitely Jin's Baby.

**FlashFusion**

SUN: Must…put on…makeup…damn you…childbirth.

-

JIN: I need a panda for a childbirth that is taking place.

CASHIER: Well, I assume its your wife because if it weren't that would be misleading to point of blatant manipulation now wouldn't it? And might I add that that is an incredibly old cellphone by the way.

JIN: Why, thank you, I was hoping you'd notice.

CASHIER: What's that name 'Harold Perrineau' doing appearing under us?

JIN: Hm, I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

**Island**

SUN: Kate, you're back! You went into the jungle yesterday. You NEVER do that.

KATE: Charlotte sucker punched me. I don't think they're here to rescue us.

JIN: I was hoping you'd notice.

**Necessary Desmondism and Sayidism**

DESMOND: Morning, Brotha.

SAYID: Morning greetings are irrelevant.

DESMOND: What's that piece of paper that just popped through the door?

SAYID: It appears to be from Mic--ahem--Ben's man. 

DESMOND: Not Penny's Captain.

**Island**

SUN: Hello, what's your name?

DANIEL: Faraday. We use both our first name and last name-have fun with that.

SUN: I'm pregnant.

DANIEL: I haven't even met you, Son.

SUN: Yeah, it's probably not yours. I'm just trying to narrow the options down.

-

ACCENTED JIN: Will you please pass me de Special K?

JACK: You're almost understandable. Someone teaching you?

JIN: Sun and Sawyer. Sun looks much better in the teacher's getup.

JACK: Hey Sun, what's going on downtown?

SUN: Hmpfh. Stop doctoring me. I'm not gonna make you my gynecologist.

-

JULIET: Why are you going through my things?

SUN: Oh, the untrustworthy one has arrived. Gimmie my meds.

JULIET: You shouldn't be overdosing on prenatal meds.

SUN: I'm going to Locke. Seeing as he threw a knife in a stranger's back, stuck a grenade in the mouth of the incarnation of Ana Lucia's spirit called Miles, has started using the title Mein Führer, and is bunking with Ben, I think I'm safest with him. Glare glare.

JULIET: Locke has made love to this Island. And if _you_ stay on this island, you're baby will die.

SUN: Claire's baby was just fine no thanks to your experiments.

**FlashFusion**

SUN: No I can't give birth in these clothes, they're so nice and fancy.

NURSE: Oceanic Six!

SUN: No autographs.

NEW DOCTOR: Based on your sweatitude and my clipboard I have deduced that the baby is in distress, Mrs. Park.

SUN: I'm Mrs. Kwon.

NEW DOCTOR: Whatever, I'm sure this one is in distress too.

-

Jin puts his panda friend in the taxi and begins to climb in. His cellphone rings.

JIN: One second, I need to step outside this taxi before I can answer because my enormous cellphone can't open in these small quarters.

MOTORIST: I curse your cellphone!

RANDOM GUY: A panda friend!

The Random Guy hops in and steals Jin's friend and taxi.

JIN: You blast ended skank! I'll find your parents and trick them into feeding a donkey so that the donkey's owner shoots them and then I'll chop your parents up and put them in chili and feed you said chili!

JIN: Gimmie that Panda. I'll trade you for it in millions of dollars worth of my wife's fancy clothes.

CASHIER: Has the baby already been delivered? Wtf, mate?

JIN: If I have to stand here until you sew another Panda together, I will. 

FANS: You need to sort out your priorities.

**Island**

JULIET: I know that almost every piece of information I deliver is either mixed with lies or an outright lie, but THIS is not a lie.

SUN: I believed all the lies, but I'm finally smart enough to stop now. So I'll choose to wise up the actual one time you're telling the truth-a DIRE time in fact-, how about that audience!

FANS: ERrugh.

JULIET: Sun had an affair.

JIN: What!

SUN: Damn. I shouldn't have taught him that word.

-

SUN: Jin, let me explain! I didn't think you'd ever find out.

BERNARD: Hey gang!

Sun and Jin are in tears.

BERNARD: Foreigners.

JIN: Come. Fish. Go. Have. Inspiring. Talk. Perfect. Character. To comfort and guide me.

BERNARD: If you do bad things, bad things happen to you. That's kind of the same as 'You can only expect cheating if you're going through a rough patch, right?'

JIN: Yes, it is. I feel better now!

BERNARD: Rose has cancer. If we stay with Jack, she might get off the island and die.

JIN: They why stay with Jack?

BERNARD: It's the right things to do. Hey! We caught a fish-That means we're the good guys!

JIN: Hmm, maybe your logic isn't worth following.

**Freighter**

DESMOND: What's that damn clanking?

SAYID: It's robot sex. I've seen it many times during the war.

Outside on the Freighter

DESMOND: I need outside time to keep up my Scottish man tan.

FUTURE RING LADY: That woman is wearing a chain bathing suit. Just thought it was a bold fashion statement that noted mentioning.

REGINA: Lovely chain bathing suit. Lovely water. Lovely death. It's all very apathetic and unsettling.

DESMOND and SAYID: OMFG! Don't you have instructional crisis videos on this freighter?

CREW: Ehh. Regina was kind of a prick anyways.

CAPTAIN: I will not have people shouting with concern on this apathetic and unsettling boat!

SAYID: But you will have people drown, eh?

CAPTAIN: There's nothing we can do. She's gone. She's over. Let her go. She's like a whole eight minutes ago.

DESMOND: That is quite apathetic.

SAYID: And unsettling.

CAPTAIN: I'm Captain Yellow Beard. I'll be answering your questions with more questions. And I'm taking orders from Charles Widmore.

DESMOND: WTBH (What the bloody hell)? He will go all out to stop his daughter from marrying a guy who can't afford good whiskey.

CAPTAIN: Do you know what this is?

SAYID: It's a communications technology transcommunications bliddity device. A black box. And it's serial number is 234917. They teach you a lot at army camp.

CAPTAIN: Right. Ben framed the wreckage of flight eight one five.

DESMOND: Who are you? Eight FIFTEEN.

**Island**

JULIET: Hey Sun!

SUN: Hey Juliet!

JULIET: We cool?

SUN: Yeah. No harm done besides my life and Jin's life.

JULIET: Cool. You're going to die terribly by the way.

SUN: Cool.

**FlashFusion**

NEW DOCTOR: We're going to do a C-section. Don't worry, there's plenty of time.

NURSE: The baby's just popped out.

NEW DOCTOR: Dag, I over estimated.

JI YEON: Help! I've been without an umbilical cord since I was in distress.

SUN: You're lumpy and covered in goo…Just like Jin!

**Freighter**

DOCTOR: Here's your room. It's a pretty nice suite, besides the sea cockroaches. Damn, this noose isn't supposed to be here. Neither is this cyanide…nor this obviously-not-from-a-gunshot blood splatter. What's this razor doing over here? Damn maid. Sorries. Hey, "Johnson!" Yeah, you, mysterious "Kevin Johnson."

FANS: We all know.

DOCTOR: Mystery man, clean up these suicide methods.

WRITERS: You can't see his face, is it someone mysterious?

FANS: No.

WRITERS: Someone _special?_

FANS: No.

WRITERS: Someone _back from the past?_

Kevin Johnson is Michael with shorter hair and the same 'tude.

FANS: YAYYYYYYYYYY! Now we can resolve Michael's story with Michael's death.

SAYID: Hello, "Kevin," I've never seen you before wink wink

DESMOND: Yeah, me neither wink wink

SAYID: But you actually haven't, right Des?

DESMOND: What?

**Island**

JIN: I whipped up small dinner for two.

SUN: Whipped up A small dinner. Don't worry, one day you'll be understandable. And thank you for not holding my infidelity against me.

JIN: Thanks for not holding my past sins against me. Redemption redemption-island is new life. Is the baby mine?

SUN: Yeah. Assuming that it doesn't come out a black baby…Never mind.

JIN: Score one for Jin!

**FlashFusion**

JIN: Here you go! A Panda for a Chinese baby boy. A baby boy who is not my son from a woman who is not my wife. For you see, I have only been married for two months. I exist in the year 2000, the year of ancient cellphones.

BODYGUARD: Do you mean to say that this storyline has no significance whatsoever beyond that of being misleading?

JIN: Laterz! Something _mysterious_ and _ominious_ but still _vague_ must be going on.

-

SUN: Finally! That damn baby is out. Now I can put on my makeup.

HURLEY: Dude.

SUN: Hurley! You came all the way to Seoul and sort of did something to your hair.

HURLEY: So did anyone else from our extreme bonding experience of being stranded on an island together come to see your baby?

SUN: No.

HURLEY: Good. Something _mysterious _must have happened between us, eh? Let's "go see," "Jin."

-

SUN: Hello Jin's grave. Your death is marked as the date of the crash so your body is obviously not here so to give hope to the fans. And yet, I'm crying and heartbroken so to fill the fans with dread. I'll use vague terms like "I miss you" to drive the fans crazy with vague worry. weep weep

HURLEY: How depressing. The LOST didn't even come in on its impact note, it came in on the musical equivalent of tears.

LOST weeps its way on the screen.

Spoiler free Trailer for "Meet Kevin Johnson:" NEXT WEEK! SOMEONE DIES! AND IT'S PROBABLY THIS GUY!

FANS: Charlie was only the beginning :(

---

Thanks for reading! I had fun making it, hopefully it's ok. I actually don't hold that much of a grudge on Michael by the way. I didn't steal from anyone! This format is way to general to be stolen from. I've seen it used in Jerry the Frog Productions (closed down), Cleolinda, and then various others for Lost, for Firefly, for X-MEN. Comment if you want to, K thanx bai 


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